For over thirty years I have been involved in marriage and family counseling. All of my published works and seminars have grown out of fighting in the trenches with couples who wanted to save their marriages. Thus, I have sought to write and speak not in psychological jargon, but in the language of the common man. A few years ago, when I became aware of the traumatic stresses to military marriages, I have had an intense desire to help military couples ever since.

In spite of an already full schedule of marriage seminars, I found it crucial to make time to speak with military couples. Ultimately, finding open arms among the chaplains, I engaged myself by leading marriage seminars at Fort Bragg, and lectured psychology students at West Point. In addition I have also led seminars at a number of Air Force bases including: Holloman, Little Rock, Eielson, and the NATO forces stationed at Geilenkirchen, Germany.

I am excited about the opportunity of teaming with chaplains and sharing the tools which have helped so many couples find a growing marriage.

Why military marriages need The Five Love Languages
The number of active-duty soldiers getting divorced has risen sharply with deployments to Afghanistan and Iraq. The situation is alarming among officers—3,325 Army officers’ marriages ended last year, more than three times as many in 2001. Enlisted personnel divorces almost doubled between 2001 to 2004. Army officials say the stress of combat, long separations and difficulty re-adjusting to family life are key reasons for the major increase. Army Chaplain (Col.) Glen Bloomstrom, director of ministry initiatives for the Army’s Office of the Chief of Chaplains, says the toll affects military operations as well. Stress on family relationships has a measurable impact on our troops’ ability to serve effectively in the field. In an informal
poll of military chaplains, most stated that the key issue for all couples was communication. Dr. Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages, teaches couples how to effectively communicate love to each other.

Source: USA TODAY, 2006

Recognize the danger signals before they escalate
The psychological effects of deployment, combat, prolonged separation, role changes in the family, and reunion may linger over time. The following signs may indicate that stress is not being handled well, and professional assistance may be needed.

• Feeling of depression for more than a week
• Irritability or unwarranted angry outbursts
• Unable to stop reliving traumatic events
• Ongoing difficulty falling and/or staying asleep
• Overwhelming anxiety
• Avoiding contact with other people
• Problems at work
• Visible weight loss or gain
• Blaming others, acting out
• Drug/alcohol use